Four actions to develop a meaningful life
The holidays are a time of good cheer, with people wishing merriness and glad tidings. Carols promise the glow of families reunited in cozy homes, joy being brought to the world.
I once believed that joy was a feeling that some come by more naturally. Or maybe it blesses those who have more resources, whether that be friends, money, or health. Reading Joyspan by Dr. Kerry Burnight, I discovered a new way of thinking about joy.
In her work as a gerontologist, Dr. Burnight defines joy as well-being or satisfaction. It’s not being happy or smiling all the time. Happiness can be transient and is often dependent upon circumstances. She acknowledges that life presents many challenges, but that doesn’t equate to a life without joy.
Joy is a choice. Joy can be cultivated. Like most skills, it has very little to do with genetics or circumstances. And developing joy is a worthwhile practice. As Dr. Burnight asks, what good is a long life, or even a healthy life, if there is no joy?
This holiday season, when we are encouraged to be of good cheer, is the perfect time to start practicing joyful living. What does that look like? Dr. Burnight’s research shows people who enjoy well-being engage in four actions.
1. Grow
In her book, Dr. Burnight makes the distinction between “getting older” and “growing older.” People who believe that aging is a process of decline tend to say they are getting old. Those who have more positive mindsets about aging recognize that life is a process of growing, and that growth doesn’t end at any given age. “Growth is the desire to explore, learn, and have new experiences,” Dr. Burnight writes. Growth can be learning a new language or practicing a lost passion, such as painting or chess. Growth is about cultivating curiosity, trying new things, and embracing humor.
2. Connect
People with stronger social connections live longer and more joyful lives. In fact, research shows that social bonds with others are the foundation of a healthy and meaningful life. And the loss of desired connections is as harmful as smoking 14 cigarettes each day. Dr. Burnight suggests that we cultivate our social relationships like we’d tend a garden, nurturing them with our time and attention. Diversity is important, too. To protect against a shrinking social circle due to the “big Ds: distance, disease, dementia, and death,” create friendships from different circles and age groups.
3. Adapt
Nothing stays the same. Those who spend their energy missing what once was instead of appreciating what now is tend to miss out on joy. We cannot control the inevitable circumstances that are part of life, but we can choose our response to them. Gratitude is an important component of well-being,
4. Give
Everyone needs a sense of purpose. The beauty of giving to others is that the gift is shared. Dr. Burnight documents that people who give of themselves typically receive that gift back in a variety of ways. Beyond the experience of happy feelings, she notes a measurable difference in physical health benefits, such as lowering cortisol levels, improving immune function, and activating neural pathways.
When we cultivate joy, life becomes the meaningful experience we deserve. Consider making these four actions part of your daily life—and invite joy into the world.
For more information, including activities and exercises to go deeper, please consider reading Joyspan by Dr. Kerry Burnight.